Wrong Number
by Zrina
Summary: Kiba finally convinces Naruto to call Sakura to tell her how he really feels. Unfortunately, it isn't who he thinks it is on the other end of the line. NaruSasuNaru YAOI, Lemon M/M
1. Wrong Number

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto nor anything pertaining to the Naruto universe.

This Story is a **comedy **which means don't take it seriously!!!!! This story is rated M for a reason. There will be mentions of malexmale sexual situations.

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**Wrong Number**

"Kiba, this is the dumbest idea I ever heard of," Uzumaki Naruto whined as he looked over the crumpled sheet of notebook paper.

"I'm telling ya', man, it works!" the brunette in question exclaimed earnestly. "You wouldn't believe how Hinata was after I did this. The girl was all over me. She might be quiet in public but she is a wildcat in bed!" He gave his friend a knowing look. "It's always the quiet ones, ya' know."

"Sakura isn't quiet," Naruto pointed out.

"Exactly, so this should work even better on her! Look, girls are taught to be hard to get. But I guarantee you that they are just as horny as us guys. If you can't get them interested in you in that way, they'll drop you in a heartbeat." He flopped down on the old battered sofa in his blonde-haired friend's even older and more battered apartment, draping his leg over the arm. "You tell her what you're capable of and she'll be on your doorstep panting for it."

"Kiba! How in the hell am I supposed to read this stuff with a straight face?" Naruto demanded, waving the paper in the air as if its mere presence deeply offended him.

"You're the drama major! Shit, just think of it as learning your lines and acting the part. Damn, you're such a girl sometimes, Uzumaki." He stood, ran a hand through his rumpled hair and headed for the kitchen. "You got some beer or anything, I'm dying of thirst."

"Didn't you get enough to drink at the football game?" Naruto asked in amusement. His friend still had the red face paint that he had put on to show his team spirit.

"Am I still sober?" his friend countered while sticking his head in the cool wafting breeze from the fridge.

Naruto waved the paper in his hand, causing it to crinkle noisily. "I'm not sure," he said pointedly.

He swore he heard a muttered "Pussy," from the depths of his kitchen.

"How in the hell do you even start a conversation like this?" Naruto asked, curious in spite of his reluctance.

He was desperate to impress the girl that he had been crushing on since his freshman year in high school. While she tolerated his presence, she had never moved past the friends stage with him no matter how much he asked her out. She would smile, pat his head, tell him how good of a _friend_ he was and, more recently, tell him how much she loved her Sasuke-kun.

Naruto's face darkened as he thought about his rival for her affections. He had just started making some headway with her when they had entered their first year of college. She had been so pleased to see him since they were in a new school and she didn't have many of her old friends around any more. Of course he wasn't going to tell her that he had applied at this school because he had found out she had been accepted. He hadn't really been interested in drama at first, but he found he had a talent for it and it was something he began to enjoy.

Then _he_ showed up. Uchiha Sasuke. The fucking jerk. The fucking perfect-in-everything-he-does jerk. Mr. 4.0. Mr. I-have-a-rich-daddy-that-buys-me-everything-I-want. Mr. I'm-too-stuck-up-to-be-friends-with-you-or-anyone-else-in-the-universe. Mr. So-drop-dead-gorgeous-that-I-even-make-guys-want-me.

"You sure you're wanting to call the right person?" Kiba said suddenly from beside his blonde friend before he took a long swig from the bottle he had pilfered.

Naruto jumped slightly. "What?"

"Nothing, thought I heard you mumbling," he replied with a hastily concealed smirk. "Just call her up and don't let her say anything. Don't even let her say 'hello' just start talking. Pour your heart out to her. Girls love that shit. Just don't get too sappy or she'll think you're emotional baggage. Most of all, leave the ball in her court. That way if she doesn't follow through, you can drop it and get on with your life."

"Yeah, if it even works," he said morosely. "If she doesn't kill me for being some kind of pervert."

"Just don't call her by name, you'll just make yourself nervous. And don't mention any specific body parts or she really will think you're a perv. Remember, drama major, pretend it's just a part."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Do you think it's too late to call?" He would admit, only to himself, that he was looking for a reason to delay.

Kiba sighed. "No, it isn't too late. As long as it isn't an AM time, it isn't too late."

"It's getting close," Naruto pointed out indecisively.

Kiba threw his hands in the air. "Whatever, wimp. But just so you know, I overheard her talking to one of her girlfriends that she has started talking with _you-know-who_." Kiba waited for the explosion with anticipation.

"That fucking bastard! There is no way that I'm gonna let him go out with Sakura!" the twenty year old yelled angrily.

"Call her," Kiba said simply before the blonde could go into a diatribe of all of Uchiha's faults. He picked up the phone and simply held it in his hand, waiting for his friend to grow a set of balls.

Even riled up over the idea of _that bastard_ going out with Sakura, almost twenty minutes later Naruto was still working up the nerve to call the girl of his dreams. He looked the paper over many times, blushing as he read some of what Kiba had written down. He didn't know if he could really say things like that to Sakura. While Kiba had suggested to pretend it was just a part to play, he couldn't bring himself to act while he confessed his feelings and desires to someone he cared about.

What if she told him that she would never like him in that way? What if she told him that he was a freak and a pervert and didn't even want to be friends any longer? What if she hated him after this?

Once Kiba figured his friend was ready, he quickly dialed the number and handed it to his friend. "Remember if this works out, you owe me one."

"Later." After tossing a wave over his shoulder, Kiba let himself out the door. On the small four foot by four foot cement pad that acted as a doorstep the young man stopped and shook his head. "I hope you wake up one of these days," he muttered before stepping out into the night.

Naruto took a deep breath and held the phone up to his ear. It rang three times and he was starting to have the hope that she was already asleep. His heart almost seized when it was picked up.

"Don't say anything," he said almost desperately. "Just listen to me for a few minutes." He took a deep breath as the silence continued on the other side. _'I can do this,'_ he assured himself.

"I…I just wanted to tell you how I feel about you. How much I really care for you. I know I don't always show it and I can act like an idiot at times, but… I think about you a lot.

"I think about how it would be to kiss you, to taste your lips with mine. I think about how it would feel to run my hands through your hair. I think about how much your scent drives me wild and makes me want you."

By now he had dropped the paper beside him on the couch and was speaking from his heart.

"I just want to hold you in my arms and lick the sweat off of your skin." _'Gah, girls don't like sweat, moron!'_

"I want to kiss down your" _'Don't say breast, no body parts!'_ "chest to your nipples." _'You said NIPPLES! She'll think you're a perv!' _"So I can lick and tease them until you moan."

There was still silence on the other end and she hadn't hung up yet, so maybe the slip was okay. He swallowed hard and continued.

"Then I want to lick and kiss my way down your taut stomach, tickling your belly button with my tongue."

His mind was starting to picture pale skin, toned abs tensed in anticipation.

"Then I'm going to taste you. I'm going to run my tongue all over you and suckle on you until you are moaning my name; until you are whimpering in pleasure. I'll slide my fingers into you until I find that one spot that makes you cry out while you writhe. The spot that will have you cumming for me even before I enter you."

He knew it would be tight and hot and everything he had dreamed about.

He heard her take a soft, unsteady breath on the other end of the line.

"And I do want to be inside of you so badly. You have no idea how many times I have dreamed about it."

Bodies writhing against each other. Strong hands gripping his shoulders. Muscular legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't want to think about _that_ dream. Not right now when he was talking to her, but it wouldn't leave his mind.

"I want to give you so much pleasure," he murmured softly.

"But more than all of that, I just want to be there by your side when you fall asleep. I want to be there when you wake up. So that neither one of us would ever be alone again."

He could picture the dark eyes and couldn't help but wonder what they would look like if they were lit with laughter.

He cleared his throat and tried to hold the image of pink hair and emerald green eyes firmly in his mind.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you what I was feeling and to let you know that if you wanted a relationship like that… that I'm here."

He held his breath, unsure if he should hang up now or wait for her to respond.

A husky, velvety voice came over the line. "Dobe…"

Naruto's breath froze in his throat as something akin to terror gripped his heart.

'_I'm going to fucking kill Kiba.'_

'_If I live…'_

_TBC_


	2. Disconnected

**Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are great!!**

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**Wrong Number –2. Disconnected **

Sasuke stared at the phone in his hand as if it held all the answers to the universe. Okay, maybe to just _his_ universe. Maybe just about the blonde in his universe.

_Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep_

He was shocked, he was confused and he was as hard as a quantum physics thesis.

_"If you would like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, please dial the operator."_

Unable to divine any answers from his phone, he clicked it off and set it down on the coffee table.

"What in the hell was that all about?" he asked out loud.

He'd had no idea that Uzumaki had felt that way about him. After all, they only had to be within 20 yards of each other for the fighting and name calling to start. To him, the blonde-headed nuisance was too loud, too bright and too fucking happy to know what real life was like. Everything about him screamed happy childhood from the orange colored shirts to the big stupid grin he wore all the time.

Naruto always had his friends around him, was always carefree about his studies and while he attended classes, he was invariably late. The idiot would just smile and shrug off anything that would stress other people out. And even though the moron had other girls that wanted to go out with him, he doggedly persisted in asking out the one girl that didn't view him as anything other than a friend.

So why did the idiot call him up to confess in such a manner?

It hadn't sounded like he was drunk. He had sounded nervous at first, which Sasuke could easily understand given the circumstance. But then he had grown confident and sure of what he had been saying. He had meant every word he had said.

Sighing, the raven-haired man stood up from his plush leather couch and walked out of his elegantly furnished living room into the kitchen. He had to admit that he liked his new apartment. It was modern, new and no one had lived there before him.

After he had turned twenty-one and had officially gained access to his inheritance, the first thing he had done was sell his family home and everything within it. He had let his father's business partners buy out enough of his shares that he was not a threat to them. He only retained enough to keep him quite comfortable the rest of his life (barring the business closing naturally) and to give him a decent vote when it came to major company-altering decisions. Not that he really cared about the business, but he wasn't going to turn down a steady income.

He had been thrust into the adult world too fast with the death of his parents at the hands of his psycho brother. Things that he had always taken for granted, things that his father had handled with ease had suddenly been thrust into his lap, demanding decisions. It hadn't helped that he had been ordered into counseling at the time.

He'd had to repress and hide every hint of the desire to find his fucking nut job of a brother and flay the asshole alive. He'd never gotten the chance since they had easily tracked the murderer back to his dorm in his fancy private university, stroking his dead mother's hair. Her body had been found at the crime scene, but her head had been missing. Needless to say, his brother was in a nice padded room probably for the rest of his life.

As he deftly sliced a tomato for his turkey sandwich, Sasuke forced himself to think about Naruto. He had to admit to himself, being totally objective of course, that the blonde wasn't half bad looking. Golden hair that looked like it hadn't been visited by a brush for days at a time. Bright blue eyes that seemed to both light up a room and yet pierce right through someone at the same time. From what he had seen at the fitness center on campus, the tanned body was tight and well defined.

He had never stuck around to see how well endowed the blonde was or if his hair was that loud of a yellow naturally. For some reason or another he had always delayed going into the showers when Naruto was around.

Sasuke practically threw the butter knife into the sink, splattering mayonnaise in the process, when he realized he was actually curious as to Naruto's size. His sandwich was halfway to his mouth when he stopped as a thought occurred to him.

If Uzumaki was currently entertaining thoughts of shoving his endowment up Sasuke's ass, then perhaps he _should_ be concerned with the size.

He viciously bit into his dinner as a blush stole over his features. He tried to tell himself that the flush was due to anger _not_ some half-assed form of embarrassment and furthermore his cock _did not_ just twitch with interest.

He should just forget the whole thing and go out with that pink-headed girl that was always turning down the dobe. She was always nagging Sasuke for a date and she should be an easy lay to relieve some frustration. A frown stole over his face. He could've sworn that his cock had just pouted.

Who in the hell was he kidding? He had never been able to keep a girlfriend more than a month and while sex with one was okay, he got just about as much enjoyment from jerking off in the shower. With fewer headaches.

But then afterwards, he was still by himself.

_"So that neither one of us would ever be alone again."_

What he needed to do was to find out if the idiot was serious or if he was just fucking around with him. Once he knew whether or not he was serious, he needed to decide what he wanted to do about it. Strangely enough, the more he thought about the situation, the less he was opposed to contemplating the possibility.

If it had just been a big joke, then the idiot was going to need an ambulance when Sasuke was through with him.

It was late afternoon when Sasuke finally found his quarry. The blonde had been absent from the one class that they shared on Mondays. The professor hadn't even called the young man's name out when he had taken attendance as if he had known ahead of time that Naruto wasn't going to be there. Sasuke wondered if he had called his professor that morning.

The absence had made him even more concerned that perhaps the idiot _had_ been serious. If it had been a joke, he would have been there to gloat.

He knew that Naruto joined his friend Inuzuka three to four times a week in the fitness center where they worked out together. Not that he took any particular note of the blonde's activities, of course.

None at all.

He just happened to have been there one day at the same time that the other two students were and had decided that it really was a good time to work out.

He had been doing so from then on.

He slipped into the locker room to change clothes so he could then go out into the weight room to observe the blonde. The loud crash of something hitting the lockers caught his attention.

"Damn you, Kiba! What the hell were you thinking?! I can't believe you did that to me! Do you know how embarrassing that was? To say all those damn things to a _guy_? _To him_? Why the hell did you dial his number?!" It was Naruto's voice that was yelling furiously throughout the locker room.

Sasuke froze at the sound of the two arguing young men. It had been a joke. A joke played on the both of them. It hadn't been real.

Naruto hadn't meant to say those things to _him_.

Sasuke was suddenly suffocating on the waves of humiliation, anger and disappointment. His vision started to haze over in a red rage that only wanted to hurt something in retaliation for his own pain. His body stood, taut and quivering like a glass bombarded with sonic vibrations. He waited to see if he would hold together or if he would shatter.

"Because it is pretty fucking obvious that you like him," Kiba said defensively.

"What?!"

"Naruto, have you ever stopped and thought about how much time you talk about him? How much time you complain and bitch about him? You talk about him twice as often as Sakura," Kiba tried to say reasonably.

"That's because he is a _fucking jerk_!" Naruto practically screeched.

"Yeah, then why the hell do you stare at him half the time like he's a god damned bowl of ramen with all your favorite toppings?" Kiba shot back, his voice starting to betray some of his agitation.

There was a brief shocked silence. "I do _not_!" If Naruto's pitch went any higher, dogs would start howling.

The undertone of panic in the defensive retort caught Sasuke's attention and served to calm his fury somewhat. There was something going on here besides a prank call.

The statement was immediately followed by another loud crash. "Dammit, you almost hit me!" Kiba yelled angrily.

"Hold still and next time I won't miss!" Naruto growled back.

"Fine! Answer me one damn thing and then I'll leave you the hell alone," Kiba promised.

"What?" he asked sullenly.

"Who were you thinking about while you were talking on the phone?" he asked smugly.

Sasuke held his breath without realizing it.

There was a long moment of silence. "Who do you think?" came the grumbled answer.

It was obviously a rhetorical question, but Kiba jumped on the opportunity. "I think you were thinking about him," he promptly replied.

"Fuck you, Kiba. I'm out of here." Naruto's voice sounded defeated. Footsteps sounded, moving away from where Sasuke was standing behind a set of lockers.

"Dammit, Naruto! Why don't you grow a set and just admit that you like him. Maybe then you can actually be happy for once instead of fucking pretending all the time!" the brunette called after his friend.

"Fuck off, Kiba. Mind your own damn business." Again the voice was sullen and subdued.

Pretending? Apparently, there was a hell of a lot more that Sasuke didn't know about Naruto than he'd realized.

The door closing echoed through the room as if the knell of some final pronouncement.

A deep sigh was heard. "You done eavesdropping now, Uchiha?"

Gathering his emotions and tucking them away neatly, Sasuke strolled with seeming casualness around the corner of the lockers. He kept his face blank with that hint of boredom that kept everyone at a distance. He opened his mouth to speak, ready to tell Inuzuka just how little he cared about their game when the younger boy spoke first.

"I don't want to hear your shit. The only thing I'm going to say is that if you're interested, you better do something about it. If not, then stay the hell away from him." With that, the other boy picked up his gym bag and stalked out of the room.

TBC


	3. Redial

**AN: ****Hope you find some amusement in this! I actually did research for this chapter…sc****ary! **

**One last note: ****Yes, Sasuke may seem a little OOC. That's because he is deliberately not being himself… and therein lies the problem!**

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**Wrong Number - 3. Redial**

Sasuke frowned to himself as he walked back to his car. Apparently while the whole thing had been a set-up, it hadn't been a prank at his expense. Kiba truly believed that Naruto really liked him, but just hadn't owned up to it yet.

He had to admit that after overhearing their conversation he was even more curious about the blonde. He had to reluctantly admit that no one had ever grabbed his attention in such a way. He wanted to get to know him better but had no clue as to how in the hell he should go about it. Especially since all they ever seemed to do is argue and cuss at each other. He needed to find a better way to approach the other man.

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Sasuke sat in front of his computer in the spare-bedroom-turned-study-area. He didn't know the first thing about asking someone out since all the dates he had been on had been solicited by the girls. He didn't plan on going out on a _date_date with Naruto, but he thought it might be best if they went somewhere where they could get to know each other better. Some place public where the blonde couldn't go ballistic without making a scene.

So, the stoic young man did what he would do with any other subject that he needed to know more about. He researched it on the internet. He brought up the search page and stared at the blinking cursor blankly for a moment. Then he began to type.

_"Dating Guide"_

He was surprised at the number of hits. Obviously he wasn't the only clueless person on the planet.

He clicked on an entry that looked promising. He was then whisked off to a website that proclaimed it had all the dating answers. He selected the "For Guys" section and watched as a page loaded up telling him how to pick up a girl. He frowned. He didn't _want_ to pick up a girl. He wanted to pick up a guy.

Lip curling in disgust, he clicked on the "For Girls" section.

_"This is why you are here. There's this cute guy you really like and you've done everything you could think of to attract his attention! You've tried the cute pouty face, tried dressing up in his favorite colors, got a new hair style, but nothing seems to make him notice."_

_'There is no way in hell I would do any of that,' _Sasuke thought with a grimace. Uchihas never pouted, he would look ridiculous in orange and he happened to like his hair style the way it was, thank you very much.

_"The easiest way to gain his attention is flattery. Guys brag by nature and the only thing better than bragging about themselves is to have a girl notice how great they are. They're proud, egoistical and exceptionally vain. If you need help, see the section on How To Compliment A Guy."_

Sasuke felt his eyebrow twitching. This _had_ to have been written by a woman. A woman with a phenomenally poor outlook on men in general. Although he had to admit, Naruto was always crowing about something or other that he'd done. Whether it was making a difficult play in sports or a decent grade on a paper, the blonde was always showing off.

He finished reading over the website and just had to shake his head. Dating sounded like it was more trouble than it was worth. Why couldn't he just show up and be himself?

Research memorized and a plan of attack firmly in place, Sasuke went out in search of his prey. The blonde wouldn't know what hit him. In just a short while he would be putty in Sasuke's hands, begging for a chance to belong to the Uchiha.

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**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 3**

His mark was being abnormally elusive. Sasuke had barely sighted him at all these past few days. Of course there _had_ been the test that counted as a third of their grade in the class that they shared for which they both had been studying madly.

Scores were supposed to be posted outside of their professor's office today and that was where Sasuke finally found his quarry. There were several other students around the bulletin board and Naruto didn't seem to notice him at first as he jostled with the others to get a look.

Finally their eyes met, cool black ones to wide, embarrassed blue ones. Face turning red, Naruto quickly looked away.

"_The easiest way to gain his attention is flattery__"_

Sasuke cleared his throat, trying not to sound nervous. "I'm sure you did just as well as you normally do," he muttered just loud enough for the blonde to hear him.

Naruto couldn't help but look back over to the source of his mortification. Did he hear right? Had the bastard really said something encouraging?

The crowd thinned down in front of the paper and Naruto pushed his way in to look at the numbers.

Uzumaki, Naruto 68

And right above it:

Uchiha, Sasuke 99

Naruto clenched his jaw in anger. No, the bastard hadn't been encouraging him. He'd been insulting him in his sly Mr. 4.0 grade point average manner. He was rubbing it in his face! It was bad enough that it had been thoughts of the stoic bastard that had kept distracting Naruto from his studies, but now the jerk had to make fun of his grades!

He glared at the raven-haired asshole before roughly shoving him into the wall before walking off.

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**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 4**

It was Friday and Sasuke was sitting at his first basketball game. Basketball wasn't a sport that he really got into, but there was a very important reason he was here. He had over heard some girls talking about the "hot blonde, Uzumaki" on the team and how talented he was. And how they wondered if he was talented on other playing fields as well.

It was at that point that they had noticed his presence and went into instant "fangirl mode." He had taken great delight in brushing them off unequivocally.

So, here he was watching the idiot run up and down a hardwood floor either bouncing a ball around or looking like he was trying to grope another guy.

For reasons unknown to Sasuke, the coach called Naruto to sit on the bench while he sent someone else out on court. The blonde looked slightly upset and his dark-eyed admirer decided now would be a perfect time to supply another compliment and maybe cheer up the dobe.

Naruto sat on the bench, fuming silently. He had woken up this morning with stomach cramps from hell. He must have eaten something bad the night before, but he couldn't think of what it might be. To make matters worse, his condition was throwing his game off. He wasn't moving as fast as he should and didn't have as much stamina. He had already acquired three fouls with his bad temper as the other team questioned his ability and jeered at him for even being on the court.

He felt a chill go down his spine as a familiar presence came up behind him. He resolutely ignored the bastard, not wanting the other to know just how much him being there bothered him. He was trying to deal with his embarrassment involving the jerk and perhaps examine _why_ the other student got on his nerves so easily, but he couldn't believe that Kiba had thought that Naruto actually _liked_ the asshole.

He felt a hole slowly being burned into the back of his head until Sasuke finally spoke up.

"Nice game," he stated in his usual bland tone.

Naruto snapped.

Without even pausing to think, the blonde stood and spun in the same motion and then practically threw himself at the raven-haired man, fist already pulled back and ready to fly.

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**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 7**

Sasuke gently poked the slowly fading bruise on his cheek where he hadn't dodged quite fast enough from the surprise attack. He didn't know what the hell the blonde's problem was but apparently he didn't take compliments very well. And it definitely hadn't been his fault that the coach had sent the enraged young man to the showers, ejecting him out of the game.

He sighed in frustration. After flipping him off, the dobe had avoided even looking at him in class today. How the hell was he supposed to attract his interest enough to ask him on a date if the idiot wouldn't even look at him?

Wanting to get out of his apartment for awhile, Sasuke decided to go to the campus lounge. He wanted to grab a bite to eat and relax. The lounge was perfect because he fit in and was around people yet he wasn't surrounded by them.

After a quick burger at the nearby tables, Sasuke walked over into the seating area of the lounge where there were stuffed recliners and comfy battered couches littered about the room. He had been heading toward a corner where there were two recliners around a low circular table. It looked perfect for the bit of non-interactive company for which he was looking.

Halfway there, however, a painfully familiar voice called out to him.

"Sasuke!" exclaimed a certain bit of pink-haired fluff.

He contemplated ignoring her when he heard another familiar voice grumble in response to her enthusiastic greeting. His victim, errrr, his current interest was here in the lounge. Perhaps the gods were starting to smile in his direction after crapping on him previously.

He altered his course much to Sakura's delight and sat on the couch across from where she was sitting by Naruto. It looked like she was about to bound over to Sasuke's side of the coffee table when suddenly Kiba plopped down next to him. Both Naruto and Sasuke looked slightly relieved while the girl glared at the newcomer.

Kiba started the conversation up easily enough and Sakura grudgingly participated. Naruto didn't say too much, too busy glaring over at Sasuke and Sasuke was frantically racking his brain for his memorized dating advice. It came to him in a flash.

"_Another thing that you can do to attract his attention is to imitate his movements. When he yawns you should yawn as well. When he crosses or uncrosses his legs, you should do the same. It sends him the signal that your body is 'unconsciously' following his lead whi__ch will arouse his interest."_

Personally Sasuke didn't think it would work, but he was willing to try if it would gain Naruto's attention.

Naruto felt his hand twitch, wanting to clench in a fist. The damned bastard had just done it _again_. At first he had thought it coincidence that every time he moved a few seconds would pass by andthat _bastard_ would make the same motion. He began to deliberately fidget by scratching his head, stretching out and other little subtle motions to which Kiba and Sakura seemed totally oblivious. However, that _jerkoff_ would mirror him after a few heartbeats. It was really starting to piss him off.

He tried to keep the evil smile from stretching across his face. _'Let's see how far he's willing to go.'_

Naruto shifted his weight casually toward Sakura and, without a hint of embarrassment, proceeded to pluck at the ass of his jeans as if to pull his boxers out from his crack. Sakura made a disgusted face at him but he ignored her, instead staring at Sasuke from the corner of his eye. He saw the black brow twitch in consternation. A few seconds later, the other man merely reached behind him to tug at the waistband of his jeans.

_'Hah, wimp!'_ Naruto snorted mentally.

He let the conversation flow around him for a few more moments, participating in a seemingly mindful manner. Truthfully he had no clue what he was actually saying. He was waiting in anticipation for the next move in their little game.

After he deemed enough time to have passed, Naruto let out a rather loud belch, causing a snicker from Kiba and a reprimand from Sakura. He then put his hand under his shirt to scratch at his belly before tucking the fingers under the waistband of his jeans a la Al Bundy.

_'Come on, you snooty rich brat. Copy that!'_

Before Naruto could count to ten Mississippi, Sasuke brought his hand up to cover a delicate burp. The prissy bastard even muttered an "Excuse me." He then proceeded to tuck his thumb under his jeans, leaving his fingers curled to the side of his groin.

Naruto had to cover his mouth with his other hand and turn away so that the jerk couldn't see him trying to stifle his laughter. If the bastard wanted to play with The Great Uzumaki, then he had to leave the "Miss Manners" at home and get down and dirty.

Speaking of down and dirty...

Naruto slouched back on the couch a bit, spread his knees a little and then reached down with the same hand under pants to adjust his pride and joy before casually scratching his balls.

_'Take that, ya bastard!'_ Naruto couldn't help but avidly await what the Uchiha was going to do with _that_ one.

"Naruto!" Sakura said in shocked disbelief. "You're about as bad as Kiba's dog!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kiba demanded. "It's not like he licked himself in public."

"He may as well have!" she countered, still scandalized. "Men! You guys are all pigs." She got up in a huff and walked off; not wanting to put up with Naruto's poorer than usual manners.

Naruto barely acknowledged her departure so wrapped up in his game with Sasuke. After the other failed to copy or counter his move after several moments, Naruto took the chance to turn to him fully.

He then realized that he might have made a tactical error. Sasuke was staring fixedly at the blonde's groin and he recognized that look on the dark-eyed man's face. It was the same look that he himself got when staring at a piping hot bowl of his favorite flavor of ramen.

"Wowlookatthetime! Gottagoseeya!" Naruto said in a breathless rush before bolting for the nearest exit.

----------------------------------

**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 10**

Sasuke logged onto the website for a quick review of what he wanted to try today. Naruto was back to avoiding him like the plague. He was tardy to class like usual and he was the first out the door when the professor dismissed them. He had apparently changed his hours at the gym because Sasuke had been unable to find him there either.

He needed to be ready for when he finally _did_ track the dobe down.

"_Try rearranging your hair in his presence. Guys love to watch women play with their hair. Even better, get him to help with a hairpin or something. He might mess up your hair, but he will feel really flattered that you asked. At the same time, accidentally brush your arm against his body and then apologize. You don't want him to think you are too forward, but at the same time, he will apprecia__te the body to body contact."_

Having his head set on fire was the only way he would want another guy to touch his hair in public. Who the hell writes these things? And while brushing up against him sounded interesting, knowing Uzumaki he would end up with a few broken bones if he tried it.

He dropped his face into his palm as he shook his head. He wasn't making very much progress. Maybe he should just give up the idea and get on with his life. The only problem was that after the scene at the lounge Mr. Happy just laid there despondently at the thought of any other playmate other than Naruto.

Sasuke had been all over campus with no luck in locating the blonde. He was about to give up and call it a day when he saw Inuzuka walking his direction. The brunette made eye contact with him so he was forced to wait until the other drew even with him.

"He's in the library," is the only thing Kiba said before walking on.

Sasuke quickly headed that direction, mentally racing through his plans. Once to the building, he forced himself to slow down and enter casually. His gaze swept across the room until he spotted a flash of blonde heading up to the second floor. He quickly moved that direction, keeping his eye on the target. He started to jog up the stairs, but then forced himself to slow down again and act normal.

By the time he had reached the second floor, Naruto had returned to his seat. Papers were spread out on the desk as well as several books. Obviously he was working on a term paper of some sort. Sasuke strolled over and sat one seat down and opposite of the other. Ignoring the suspicious look he was receiving, he ran his fingers through his hair. He fiddled with his bangs, trying to keep them back behind his ears before giving a huff of annoyance.

_'I feel so fucking stupid,'_ he thought in embarrassment as he fished out a small compact mirror and a brush. Blonde eyebrows furrowed together as he started messing with his hair.

_'Is it really working?'_ he began to wonder as Naruto's hand came up to prop up his chin as he continued to stare.

After several minutes, Sasuke's motions began to falter. What in the hell was he supposed to do now? He didn't use hairpins or any of that shit and he didn't think Naruto would appreciate being asked to help brush his hair. He slowly stopped fussing over his black locks and tucked away the mirror. His eyes flicked up to meet curious blue ones.

"What?" he asked, his slightly defensive tone masking his uncertainty.

Naruto made a vague gesture towards Sasuke face. "I was just waiting for you to put on your make up." He quickly dove to the side to avoid the deftly thrown hairbrush whizzing at his head.

Face burning brightly, Sasuke stalked out of the library.

---------------------------

**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 11**

"_If all else fails, use this line! __**"I think you're cute. Would you like to do something together sometime?" **__Guys love being called cute. It's the best compliment you can give them. Hopefully all of your hard work will have paid off and __you'll have yourself a date!"_

Sasuke had always hated it when girls called him cute. It made him feel like some kind of puppy dog or stray kitten. Animals and kids were cute (well, maybe not kids), however guys were handsome or at least good looking. But at this point in time he was desperate enough to try anything. Hell, he would fucking yodel if he thought it would get him into the dobe's pants.

Crushing what little pride he had left, he got ready for the day.

He tracked the dobe down to the court yard that afternoon where everyone congregated to meet up and go elsewhere or to just hang out. He ignored the strange looks from people who recognized him and went straight to the steps where Naruto was sitting with Kiba. Blue eyes glanced up at him and were already moving back to his friend beside him when they jerked back upwards in shock.

"What in the hell happened to you?" were the first words out of the blonde's mouth.

Sasuke shifted self-consciously. "What do you mean?" he asked although he knew damn well what the other male was talking about.

"Didn't you have a backup case of hair gel at home?" Naruto jibed.

Sasuke ran an uneasy hand through his straight hair. It had taken him hours to get it to fall flat on his head. "I thought it would be different," he muttered.

"It's different, all right," Naruto snickered. "You look like a wet dog. And while I love orange, you look like a corpse in it," he added, gesturing at the long-sleeved shirt Sasuke was wearing.

Sasuke was beginning to feel a queasy sensation in his stomach. He felt himself near his breaking point. He bitterly wondered if this was how his brother had felt before he had gone on a killing spree.

"Look, I fucking think you're cute, okay? Do you want to do something together sometime or not?" he growled out.

Naruto let out a huff of a laugh. "Has anyone ever suggested you get counseling?"

Sasuke felt his body tense up. _'Must not kill him,'_ he reminded himself.

"Because you're really psycho," he continued on relentlessly.

_'Must not kill him, must not kill him.' _"My brother's the one in the psych ward," he bit out.

"Maybe you should join him," Naruto suggested lightly.

_'He's dead.'_

--------------------------------------

**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 14**

Sasuke shifted in his seat a bit uncomfortably. He could tell a few of his ribs were still bruised by the pain in his side if he sat in one position for too long. The scrapes and scratches should be mostly gone in a few days, but he was going to have to see a dentist if his tooth didn't tighten back up soon.

He lifted his head to glare at the blonde that was approaching his desk. It was Monday morning again and they were both back in the same classroom. He didn't think the other man would have the balls to come up to him after the brawl they'd had Friday. His scowl darkened further when he saw that the black eye had already healed up quite a bit on the tanned face.

"Look," Naruto said awkwardly. "I didn't know about your family. Sakura told me what had happened. I didn't really mean what I said. I'm sorry."

Sasuke continued to stare at the other boy, not sure if he was really ready to forgive him for everything that he'd been through the last two weeks.

"And, if it will help make up for it, I'll go out with you Friday," he added in a quiet mumble.

Suddenly all of Sasuke's attention was focused squarely on the younger man, making Naruto squirm slightly under the scrutiny.

"Seven o'clock. Dress nicely." He wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was going to make sure he got s_omething_ out of the humiliation he'd suffered even if it was only one date.

--------------------------------

**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 15**

Sasuke scowled at the website. It suggested getting a gift once you had a date, but it gave absolutely no clues as to what to get. He quickly switched over to the "Male" side of the advice, hoping it would give him some idea what to get his prospective date.

"_Romantic gifts tell her that you are thinking about her. The type of gift you give her will also tell her something about __**you**__ so make sure that you put some thought into what you buy. Poetry books, anything lacy, anything with a fragrance, jewelry, tickets for a weekend for two, or lingerie are all nice it__ems that will win her heart."_

Sasuke browsed the store, trying to find just the right thing to convey the message that he wanted. He held up a barely-there leather thong.

_'Not until we've slept together,'_he decided.

He found a pair of black silk boxers.

_'Too tame.'_

He looked around for another ten minutes before finding the perfect gift.

---------------------------

**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 16**

Naruto arrived home late in the afternoon after a good work-out session with Kiba to find a package sitting on his doorstep. Someone had apparently been in a big hurry since it had been mailed through overnight delivery. Someone named Uchiha according to the package.

Burning with curiosity, he hurriedly unlocked the door and brought the box inside. Kicking his door shut, he dropped his gym bag to the side and put the package on the bar that divided the kitchen and living room. He ripped through the wrappings until he came to a white clothing box.

Even more confused, he opened it up and peeled back the tissue paper to reveal the contents.

His eyes widened and his face flushed as he held up the black see-through sleeveless half-shirt and matching boxers. The boxers had a single set of red lip prints on the ass.

His eyes lit on the card that had accompanied the gift.

_Dobe,_

_Wear this Friday night. Even if I don't get to see it on you, it'll be enough to know that you are wearing it for me._

_S._

"I'm going to kill him," Naruto growled out.

------------------------------

**Uzumaki Seduction Plan - Day 17**

Sasuke was sitting at his desk at one of the lower tiers towards the front of the class. The professor hadn't started class yet and students were milling around and talking to each other about their current project before the lesson began.

The door opened with a crash and an irate blonde stalked into the room carrying a plain brown paper bag. The room fell silent as he began yelling at Sasuke, shaking the bag in his pale face.

"You perverted bastard! Just because I agreed to go out with you on Friday doesn't mean I'm going to wear kinky shit so you can sit there and drool over dinner!" He threw the bag at Sasuke who caught it reflexively. "If you like stuff like that so much, _you_ wear it!"

With that, he turned and stomped back out of the room.

Sasuke buried his face in his hand and desperately tried to ignore the speculative looks and soft snickers.

The only thing he knew for sure by this point in time is that the damn idiot had better put out.

TBC


	4. Smooth Operator

**AN: There will be one more chapter, the epilogue, posted after this!! Hope you have all enjoyed thus far!!**

* * *

**Wrong Number - Smooth Operator**

Sasuke showed up at the lounge where he had arranged after Monday's class to meet with Naruto to go on their date. That of course was before the lingerie debacle. He just hoped that they still _had_ a date.

He had dressed in a dark pair of slacks, a white dress shirt that he had left the top two buttons undone on and a jacket that complimented the pants. He had decided to leave off the tie, not wanting to dress too formally and potentially freak the other boy out. He was dressed passably to get into the restaurant where he had reservations. He just hoped that the blonde had listened when he had instructed him to do the same.

He was actually mildly surprised when he spotted the brightly colored head of hair over by the couches. Naruto was currently chatting away with Kiba. He would have looked relaxed except for the way his eyes constantly darted around. Those blue orbs landed on Sasuke and his words trailed off.

Sasuke took a moment to take in the dark khaki pants and the deep blue silk shirt that the other man wore. The color complimented his eyes, making them stand out in a blue blaze. Naruto muttered something to his friend before standing up and heading his way. The brunette looked over his shoulder toward Sasuke and lifted an eyebrow rather dubiously at his attire.

It was through strength of will that kept Sasuke from shifting his weight as the blonde walked up to him. Humor colored over the nervousness briefly as the other greeted him. "I see you found your hair gel," he teased lightly.

Sasuke smirked slightly. "Yeah, I had a few cases shipped overnight."

Naruto snorted and relaxed, the tension in his shoulders visibly easing. "So, where are we going tonight?" he asked as they made their way outside.

"It's a surprise," Sasuke said with a slight smile. "I think you'll like it."

"I'm all for surprises," he said lightly, trying not to give the words any hidden meaning.

Sasuke walked him out to where he had his car parked, popping the automatic locks as they drew up to it. As he moved around to the driver's side of the black Dodge Viper, not wanting to offend Naruto by opening his door, he missed the wistful look pass over the other boy's features followed by a slightly uncomfortable one.

The raven-haired man slid into his seat as his passenger followed a moment behind. He wordlessly started the car up and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for downtown.

Making sure he didn't do anything to dirty the fancy sports car, Naruto looked out the window, for once at a loss for words. He wasn't sure what he should say to the other male to try to ease the uncomfortable silence. What did you say to someone who you were only going out with because you felt bad for them?

Of course that wasn't entirely true. He was attracted to Sasuke or he would never have agreed to go with him. What he couldn't understand was if the dark male at his side had wanted to go out with him, why hadn't he asked in the first place rather than totally flipping out the last two weeks?

Naruto had to admit though it had been fun watching Sasuke go to such great lengths to get his attention. Apparently no one had ever taught the raven-haired man that there was a difference between good attention and bad attention.

Tired of the silence, the blonde made an effort to strike up a conversation. "So, movie? Dancing? Dinner? What do you have planned?"

"Hn. I thought you liked surprises," came the dry reply.

Naruto shot him a wry smile. "But I don't like silence. I get enough of that at my apartment."

"Hn," came the response. Naruto hazarded that by the tone that it was in agreement.

"I thought we would go see a show and then have dinner," he said, darting a glance at his date before returning his eyes to the road.

_'Show? What the hell does he mean by a "show?"?'_ A show could have been anything. A movie, a play, the ice capades... hell, it could be a dog show for all he knew.

His answer shortly arrived as Sasuke pulled into the parking lot of a smaller theater where they performed plays. The two walked up to the entrance where Sasuke handed over the pre-purchased tickets. Naruto's face fell slightly as they were handed a program.

He knew this play. He knew the lead actor. It was the same damn snobby prick that had bumped him out for the lead role. By the time that the lead had been cast, all of the other parts had been filled, leaving Naruto with nothing to fall back on. It was hard work getting big enough roles to warrant attention from play companies and to have to sit here while he watched that pompous jerk parade around on the stage that Naruto _should_ have been on was almost too much.

He shot a glare at the back of Sasuke's head before realizing that there was no way he could have known. Of course, had he _asked_ Naruto what he had wanted to do on their date, they could have avoided this.

He sighed and took his seat. He would try to enjoy the evening for Sasuke's sake if nothing else. Although he tried to criticize everything that the asshole Richards did, Naruto had to admit that he wasn't a half bad actor. He personally thought that he, himself was better, but apparently the casting director hadn't agreed with him.

He was able to relax halfway through and immerse himself in the story line. He felt a hand brush up against his and looked over into onyx colored eyes. He returned the faint smile with a slightly broader one, not wanting Sasuke to think that he wasn't entertained by the play. As he gazed back up at the stage, the hand against his didn't leave but rather allowed fingers to trace light patterns against the back of his hand. He shivered slightly at the sensation and glanced back at his date, but those dark eyes were riveted on the actors. However, the slight smile retained its place upon those otherwise down-turned lips.

Okay, he could put up with a jackass role-stealer for that smile.

Of course he almost changed his tune as the curtain call came and the actors made their bows. The asshole Richards somehow met Naruto's eyes and easily conveyed his smirking superiority in a bow aimed directly at the blonde. Naruto felt tons better as he flipped the other male off while ostensibly rubbing his nose.

Richards straightened stiffly but was practically jerked off stage by his female counterpart before he could think of any possible way to retaliate.

Snickering, Naruto stood when Sasuke did and followed the other man out of the theater.

"So, how did you like the play?" Sasuke asked as he made his way back to his car.

"Oh, I dunno. Started out kinda shitty, but was sorta warm and fuzzy toward the middle and pretty entertaining at the end," Naruto said nonchalantly, doing little to hide the devious grin.

"Hn," came the dubious reply as the other eyed the mischievous look on his date's face.

There was another short drive during which Naruto pestered Sasuke endlessly about their destination. As before, he only received a vague "Dinner" in response. They finally arrived at a restaurant that Naruto could just _tell_ by looking at it was only one step down from having valet parking, a jacket and tie requirement and twenty different eating utensils.

He felt his anxiety spike up as Sasuke casually walked up to a guy in a penguin suit and gave his name in that cool, arrogant Uchiha tone. The man immediately gave a shallow dip of a bow and led them to a table. As they passed the other diners, Naruto began to feel more and more uncomfortable. It was as if everyone was looking at him and snickering because he was underdressed.

They were seated, handed menus and told that their server would be with them shortly. Naruto glanced over the menu, scowling when he couldn't even tell what language in which it was written. He looked over at his date and saw the man sitting rather casually while scanning over the menu. He seemed relaxed as if he was used to the atmosphere.

Sasuke lifted his eyes to meet nervous blue ones. "Did you see anything that you would like?" The blue gaze sharpened considerably as it locked onto his. Sasuke decided to try another track. "What kind of foods do you like?"

"Ramen!" came the instant reply.

Pale lips twitched. "They don't have ramen here."

"Bah, what kinda sucky place is this if they don't have ramen?" The pout looked absolutely edible on those full, pink lips.

"What else do you like?" he encouraged.

Naruto shrugged. "Seafood, chicken, steak, pasta... stuff like that. No veggies though; veggies suck."

Sasuke smirked. "No veggies, got it."

At that point the waiter came up to ask for their drink selection. Sasuke ordered something that sounded like some smancy wine. The waiter turned to Naruto and, since he was under twenty-one, ordered something more age suitable. "Cherry Coke," he said with a grin.

The waiter_ did_ in fact bat an eyelash, but that was about it before turning back to Sasuke to inquire about an hors d'oeuvre.

Naturally the first thing that came out of Naruto's mouth was, "Oooh, those little cocktail weenies!"

Both the waiter and Sasuke looked at the blonde for a moment. While the Sasuke looked amused, the waiter looked scandalized. The dark-haired man then proceeded to order something with the word "escargot" in it. Naruto knew he had heard the word somewhere before, but couldn't quite remember it.

After the waiter left, Naruto leaned over and whispered, "Hey, do you know where the john is? I gotta take a leak."

"Back that way," he answered, waving over his shoulder.

"Thanks!"

Naruto wandered back towards the area indicated, but was met with several doors. None of them were labeled. He glanced around and saw a busboy cleaning up a table. He stepped up to the man who couldn't have been any older than him and asked for better directions to the bathroom. There was the expected look up and down his person before an answer was forthcoming.

The way the staff kept checking him out he was either really hot looking or really out of place. He somehow felt it was the latter. It was a sure sign you were in a place way out of your league when the damn _busboy_ looked at you like that.

Sasuke sipped his wine as he waited for Naruto to return. He hoped he wasn't making the boy uncomfortable by bringing him here. He had merely thought that it would be something new and exciting for the blonde to experience, kind of like an adventure. However, he didn't appreciate the looks that everyone kept sending his date. Next time he had to make sure that Naruto brought a jacket with him.

"Wow, you should see the bathrooms," Naruto said in a hushed tone as he slid back into his seat. "They have a freakin' carpeted sitting room and all the sinks are marble and shit. I was almost afraid to take a piss in there."

The waiter brought over a small platter that had about a dozen tiny cups on it. Each cup contained some kind of tannish-brown _something_ along with garlic butter sauce. Naruto frowned at the plate as Sasuke ordered another glass of wine.

"What the hell is that?" he asked after the waiter had left.

"Meat," Sasuke answered with a sly smirk. "It tastes pretty good." He picked up one of the cups and used a small fork to fish out the contents before transferring it to his mouth.

"They look like balls of snot," Naruto said dubiously.

Sasuke paused in chewing as that imagery lodged in his brain. He swallowed with some difficulty and half glared at his companion. "Try one, wimp."

"Bastard, I am not a wimp!" He didn't exactly yell it, thankfully, but he wasn't exactly quiet either.

Naruto grabbed one of the cups, sneered at the girly fork and tipped the contents straight into his mouth. His expression vacillated between grossed out and accepting. "Kinda has the texture of chewy snot, too, but it doesn't taste too bad."

Sasuke merely shook his head and the two of them ate several more.

"So, what are these exactly?" the younger man finally asked.

"Escargot," Sasuke answered with a shrug.

"Yeah, but what does that mean? Snot boogers in sauce?"

"Snails."

Naruto whipped his head over to look at his date. "S-snails?" He started to look a little green.

"Take a drink of your soda," Sasuke said a little urgently.

Naruto grabbed his soft drink and started chugging it down.

While he was occupied, Sasuke casually shoved the plate the farthest away he could get it from the blonde.

He set his glass down, trying not to look _too _squeamish. "That is fucking disgusting. Why the hell would someone willingly eat snails?!"

"Because they taste good?" Sasuke suggested lightly.

"Oh my god, you are _so_ not getting a good night kiss unless you brush first," Naruto stated adamantly.

"Does that mean you were planning on giving me a kiss?" he teased lightly.

A wicked look crossed the tanned face. "I could give you a whole lot more than that," he said huskily.

Sasuke felt a blush creeping up his face. It became worse when Naruto gave a sultry laugh. The Uchiha desperately tried to change the subject. "I hope you don't mind, but I ordered dinner for you while you were in the lavatory."

Naruto grinned. "No problem. You saved me from looking all girly if I sat here while you did it."

Sasuke allowed his eyes to trail over Naruto. "Girly" wasn't a word that would ever be used to describe the gorgeous blonde. He was just about to tell the blonde so when the waiter arrived with their food. He let a scowl fall on the hapless server that only intensified as the other man totally ignored Naruto. Someone wouldn't be getting a good tip tonight.

Naruto was happy to see the noodles on his plate. Even happier to see the chicken. He poked his fork at his food a few times to make sure those were really mushrooms and not more snails on his plate. He flashed a smile at Sasuke before diving in.

Dinner was going fairly well when a man suddenly stepped up to the table and greeted Sasuke. The raven-haired young man looked slightly surprised to see the other, but they quickly fell to talking. The gentleman was on the upper scale of middle-aged, was dressed in a three piece suit and had the air of someone who was always in business mode. Sasuke shot an apologetic look to Naruto, but didn't break the conversation.

Naruto continued to eat, albeit at a slower pace as the two spoke of things that might as well have been in a foreign language to the blonde.

Sasuke jumped in as the other man paused for a breath to introduce Naruto, hoping the old fart would get the clue and move on. He was a prominent person in the business community and Sasuke couldn't just brush him off as casually as he could others. The man acknowledged Naruto with a nod before launching into another long-winded rant about some business matter that Sasuke couldn't care less about at the moment.

A premonition of disaster tingled up Sasuke's spine as he glanced at his date to see a mischievous look slowly take form. He tried to subtly motion for Naruto to not do whatever he was thinking about, but it seemed to be a lost cause as the devious smile just widened.

Those blue eyes widened impossibly as a pout pursed those lips. The blonde's whole body language changed into something submissive and yet petulant. A tanned hand reached out and grabbed his as a plaintive voice carried over the two men's discussion. "Sasuke-bunny, you said we were going to spend the night out on the town together. You promised that you wouldn't talk business. You know how bored I get when you ignore me!"

Sasuke's eyes widened as he looked almost desperately up at the other man. His reputation could be shredded and it would affect his business even if he wasn't directly involved anymore. To his surprise, the man had a knowing smirk on his face.

"Well, I think I have taken up enough of your time, Uchiha. I'll take my leave as you have other things to attend to," he said with a twinkle in his grey eyes.

Sasuke stuttered out some pleasantry as the man left the two alone at the table. "You are _so_ lucky that he found you amusing," he muttered. "He could as just as easily been offended."

"Yeah, so? That's his problem," Naruto shrugged.

"Dobe, things work differently in the real world. Other people have an influence on your lively hood," he explained in exasperation.

"Are you trying to say I don't live in the real world?" he demanded.

"Sometimes I wonder," Sasuke murmured.

They left shortly afterwards. Sasuke insisted on driving Naruto back to his apartment even though the blonde tried to resist at first. After refusing to go anywhere until he got the address, he finally took the blonde home. He walked the younger man up to his door and then stood there, feeling like an idiot as he fiddled with his keys.

Naruto sighed, eyes looking away from Sasuke and out at the gleaming black car. He turned back to his date and raised a hand up to cup a pale cheek. "Thanks for everything tonight," he murmured before he leaned and brushed his lips against Sasuke's.

_'Why does that sound so...final,'_ Sasuke briefly thought before the lips on his obliterated all of his mental processes.

The kiss was sweet and tender, the velvety slide of slanting mouths over each other. Sasuke took a chance and gently licked Naruto's bottom lip, an invitation to deepen the play.

Naruto pulled back and gave him a last small smile before unlocking his door. "I'll see you in class on Monday," he murmured before slipping inside the door.

When the door closed Sasuke finally realized something. No phone numbers were exchanged, no promises to go out again sometime and no passionate kisses. He had just been shot down. His cock went into panic mode but this time he ignored it until his heart decided to join in.

Repressing the urge to beat on the door and demand to know what he did wrong, he turned and trudged back to his car. There had to be a way to get the blonde. This couldn't be the end of things between them.

The clock indicated it was shortly after noon and Sasuke had been lying there staring at his ceiling for over twelve hours when his phone rang. Thinking that it might be Naruto, he jumped out of bed and made a mad scramble over to where he had left it on his dresser the day before.

"Yes?" he answered rather breathlessly.

"What in the hell did you do on your date?" Kiba's voice growled over the line. "I call Naruto this morning and all I get is a pouting friend who tells me and I quote 'I really like him but he just isn't for me.'" Somehow, Sasuke didn't think that Naruto's voice had been that whiny when he had talked to his friend. "What the fuck? How can you screw up a date with Naruto? He's so damn easy to please, it's pathetic!"

"If I knew how I screwed it up, I would have fixed it by now!" Sasuke protested angrily.

Kiba sighed as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "Okay, tell me what you did last night and I will tell you what to do."

----------------------------------

Sasuke felt like a nervous wreck as he walked up to Naruto's apartment that evening. Kiba had called ahead of time to make sure the dobe wasn't out and didn't have any plans.

Kiba. Sasuke snorted to himself. The wonderful, great advice from Kiba the Love Doctor had consisted of only of two suggestions. _'Don't let Naruto stew and be yourself. Oh, and don't forget the ramen.'_ That was the worst advice he'd ever received. Okay, maybe brushing his hair in front of Naruto had been the worst. Or maybe wearing orange. He shuddered. He would never be caught dead in that color again.

Taking that wonderful advice _'Insert sarcasm here'_, Sasuke had wracked his brain all afternoon thinking about what he would like as a guy from another guy for a date. The answer had been surprisingly simple. He didn't want to go out on a lot of dates. Especially at first. He would rather stay in a private and get to know the other person better. After they got to know each other better and found out what they had in common, _then_ they could go out and enjoy themselves without all the self-consciousness that dating provoked.

Which brought Sasuke to Naruto's doorstep carrying several bags. He knocked on the door and waited impatiently while footsteps approached. Naruto opened the door and gave Sasuke a surprised look.

"Sasuke," he said, stating the obvious.

"Naruto," said person responded in like manner.

"What are you doing here?"

Sasuke shifted uneasily, hoping he wouldn't get shot down again. "I thought maybe we could hang out together. You know, get to know each other a little better where we can actually talk."

Naruto paused, torn between wanting to spend time with the other man and not wanting to get hurt once the other got tired of him. Last night made it apparent to him that he didn't belong in Sasuke's world.

"I brought some ramen," Sasuke added enticingly.

_'Ramen! Must... resist... sweet nectar of the gods... can't...'_ Naruto stepped back and opened the door. "Come in, bastard."

Sasuke smiled at his small victory as he walked inside. The apartment was nothing like his own, but he had to admit that it was... comfortable. Kind of like Naruto. He moved over to the table and identified the bags to his host as he set them down.

"Take out Chinese and ramen," he said setting two of the bags down.

He held up a purple cloth bag with golden embroidery on it that proudly proclaimed "Crown Royal." "Alcohol."

He then pulled out a two-liter of Coke from another bag. "Alcohol's friend."

He held up the small brown paper bag. "In case things get interesting," he said before sitting it down.

Naruto frowned slightly and picked the last bag up and opened it. He raised an eyebrow in Sasuke's direction before pulling out the box of condoms and the unopened tube of scented lube. "Eager, aren't we?"

"After that phone call? You bet my sweet ass I'm eager."

Naruto grinned widely before it slowly slipped away. "You're not just doing this for sex, are you?"

Sasuke snorted. "Dobe, you're hot and all but I'd be damned if I made an idiot out of myself just for a fuck." He paused. "I like you. And while I can't promise everything will be sunshine and roses, I can say that I'll try my best."

"I don't fit in your world," Naruto said softly.

"And I am sure that there are parts of your world where I don't fit in either," Sasuke countered. "But it's not about fitting into my world. Maybe you being different is what makes you special. As someone told me just recently, be yourself. That's all we can be."

"Hmm." Naruto set the two items aside and moved over to the table. "So what do you say we eat, drink and then have drunken sex on the floor?"

Sasuke smiled. "Works for me."

---------------------------------------

Sasuke looked over at the blonde next to him on the old sofa as the other laughed at yet another gag on the movie they had been watching. The elder of the two decided now was a good time for goal number three tonight. He stood up, feeling a wash of light headedness pass through him, and trekked to the kitchen to refill his drink. Eyeing the broad shoulders over the back of the couch, he pulled out a few condoms from the box and grabbed the lube.

He set the items down on the coffee table along with his drink and noticed that the laughter had died out. He looked up into a pair of intense blue eyes. He had the sneaking suspicion that Naruto wasn't even tipsy yet. He grabbed a last gulp of his drink before hands pulled him over into the younger man's lap.

Sasuke shivered as those warm hands ran over his body, caressing his chest, down his stomach and around to his ass. He gave a soft moan as the flesh there was squeezed gently but firmly.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Naruto asked in a quiet but husky voice.

The room shifted slightly but not overwhelmingly so. "I've wanted this since that fucking phone call," Sasuke groaned. He braced his arms on those wonderfully muscular shoulders and ground his pelvis against the one beneath him.

"You ever been on bottom?" Naruto asked after letting out a rush of air.

"Never." Sasuke snaked a hand between them and started rubbing it rather roughly against the bulge in Naruto's jeans. "Never wanted to until you had phone sex with me."

"Well, I've never done this with a guy before, so we both have something new happening tonight," he said with a moan, thrusting up against Sasuke's hand.

"As long as it's with you, I don't care," Sasuke avowed. "Now shut up and fuck me."

Naruto gave a chuckle before sliding his hands under the other boy's shirt. He had to get Sasuke to stop touching him long enough to peel the piece of clothing off. Sasuke shot him a look that clearly said he minded the interruption before immediately gluing his hand back to the blonde's groin.

Tanned hands ran over a pale, toned chest. Thumbs circled pink nipples before a hot, wet mouth followed. Sasuke let out a small noise as his fingers tangled into blonde locks to pull the head closer. His other hand reluctantly left the cock that he just _knew_ was beneath that denim, dammit, to hang onto a bicep. The tormenting mouth moved over to abuse his other nipple in the same delightful way, pulling another wanton sound from his vocal cords.

Naruto pulled back and gently pushed Sasuke off his lap. "Get undressed," he ordered breathlessly as he complied with his own command.

Sasuke hurriedly shed his clothes and watched as Naruto sat back onto the couch. The blonde held his hands out to pull the raven-haired boy back into his lap, but Sasuke ignored the invitation and sank down to his knees between the other boy's feet. "I knew there was a reason I never showered with you." He reached out and ran a hand almost reverently over the hardened flesh. "If I had seen this, I would have raped you long before now."

"I thought I was going to do the raping?" Naruto teased.

A pale shoulder managed to shrug elegantly even while slightly drunk. "Whichever," he said negligently.

A deep chuckle quickly turned into a gasp as Sasuke leaned forward and engulfed the swollen head within his mouth. He moaned around the length, the sound almost turning into a whimper as if the taste was the sweetest that had ever crossed his tongue.

Naruto groaned as the mouth began to work him with vigor. Damn, he wouldn't last long like this! Where the hell had he learned how to give head so well?! "Fuck, Sasuke!"

"Yes, please," the other moaned against the cock before taking it back into his mouth.

Naruto grabbed an arm and pulled Sasuke back into his lap. He latched his lips onto the other's mouth and kissed deeply. He could faintly taste his own essence and loved the thought of it in the other boy's mouth. The kiss became rough and frenzied as Sasuke started to grind against him again.

Naruto quickly lowered them onto the sofa and broke apart long enough to grab a condom. He hurriedly ripped the package open, but slowed down to roll the latex on, trying not to break it. He snatched the lube and popped the cap as Sasuke spread his legs just a bit wider. Naruto looked up into lust-filled eyes as he coated a few fingers.

He would've stopped and asked once more for permission, but Sasuke's eyes promised a painful beating as he started to open his mouth. Taking the hint, he shut up and slid a finger past the tight ring between the pale globes.

Sasuke took in a sharp breath through his nose, vaguely thankful for the alcohol-induced laxity of his muscles. Pleasure started to flow through his body only interrupted occasionally by discomfort. It wasn't long before he was grinding down on the fullness within him and, looking down, he was shocked to see three fingers buried in his ass.

Completely turned on by the sight, he was about to urge Naruto to greater speed when suddenly searing pleasure shot up his spine, eclipsing anything he had been about to say.

Naruto watched in erotic fascination as Sasuke yelled out and _writhed_ on his fingers. He probed a few more times before obtaining the same result once more. While at any other time he could have happily kept going until the raven-haired man shattered in pleasure at his touch, he wanted more for their first time.

He reluctantly pulled his fingers out and quickly slathered lubricant onto his latex-clad erection. Sasuke was giving him that look again that made him burn to be inside of him. He lifted the other male's hips and carefully started sliding into the tight, clinging heat. He settled himself a moment, waiting for Sasuke to adjust.

"N-Naruto... _move_," the growled demand made itself heard.

Between the needy moans and the demands of _faster, harder _and _deeper_, Naruto was losing himself. He made the effort to realign his hips, trying to find that spot that his fingers had happened upon, and was soon rewarded with a howl of pleasure. He didn't think his poor old couch could take much more as he slammed repeatedly into the other man's body, driving them both closer to ecstasy.

"Fuck me, Uzumaki! Fuck me _harder_!"

For such a normally quiet, moody bastard, he sure was a noisy, demanding bitch in bed.

Suddenly a vice-like grip clenched around Naruto's cock as every muscle in the body beneath him went rigid. Back arching almost impossibly, Sasuke let out a shout as his body pumped out his pleasure onto his chest. The grasping, fluttering, milking sensations around him were enough to thrust Naruto quickly over the edge, his bursting seed trapped by the latex sheath.

He practically collapsed onto the other boy; not caring that Sasuke's spend was now in his hair and smeared all over his cheek and chest. He lay there, trying to regain thought, trying to regain breath and wondering if he had _ever_ came that hard before in his life.

He slowly sat up and carefully pulled out. He staggered to the bathroom to dispose of the condom, taking a moment to grab a towel with which to clean the two of them.

Sasuke felt like he was floating and it was no longer the alcohol causing it. As he lay there, tired and worn out, he came to the conclusion that every fucking humiliating thing he had done had been worth it.

He looked up as Naruto reentered the room and tossed a tower to him. Their eyes met and a smile crossed both their faces.

"So, what do we do now?" Naruto asked softly.

"We fall asleep together. And in the morning, we wake up together," Sasuke said just as quietly.

"So that neither one of us will ever be alone again," Naruto finished with a tender smile.

**TBC- Epilogue**


	5. Epilogue Speed Dial

**Wrong Number - Epilogue - Speed Dial**

_Three Months Later_

Sasuke made sure that he had everything ready for that night. Movies, munchies, drinks and last but certainly not least, a new tube of lubricant since they had ran out last time.

Tonight was going to be special. Well, every night with Naruto was special, but this was the first time that the dobe was going to let him top. So naturally, everything had to be perfect.

His stomach growled in protest. He had been so busy trying to set everything up that he hadn't eaten since that morning. He quickly threw a single serving bag of popcorn in his microwave and hit the "Popcorn" button.

Things had been going real well for them, despite their sometimes clashing personalities. Being around Naruto had also meant that he had somehow inherited the blonde's friends. It wasn't unusual to see the previous loner hanging out with Kiba or even Sakura, but he usually made sure he had a chaperone around her. She was nice and all and thought it was cute that he and Naruto were dating, but she would get this weird gleam in her eye every once in a while that quite frankly scared him.

He grabbed his phone and checked his mental list one more time to make sure he had gotten everything. The dobe was going to be here soon, but Sasuke had one last thing planned. He wanted his blonde to be hot and ready for action when he showed up.

He was flipping through his phonebook on his cell when he smelled popcorn burning. Dammit! He always forgot that those singles didn't require as much time.

He popped the door open on his microwave as he hit the "Send" button on his cell phone. Yanking the slightly charred bag out, he carefully opened it over the sink. The phone rang twice before it was picked up.

"Don't say anything," he began, a smirk spreading across his face. "I just wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about you. Fantasizing about you."

"Thinking about how badly I want to kiss you and taste those sweet lips. How badly I want to explore every inch of your tongue with my own."

He gave a soft shudder as he thought about the last time he had been alone with his dobe.

"I want to kiss my way across your jaw back to your ear so I can nibble and lick my way down your throat. I want to pull your shirt off so I can run my hands over your soft skin as I lick and torment those pink nipples."

God, if Naruto didn't show up soon he was going to relieve himself without him.

"I want to kiss each rib on that perfect body and tickle your stomach with my tongue."

"I'm going to peel those pants off those sexy hips of yours and spread your legs wide so I can devour you. Until you are moaning my name and begging me to take you."

Popcorn forgotten, he ran a hand across his swollen length beneath his jeans, tormenting himself.

"Just when you are about to cum hard, harder than you ever have, I'm going to thrust into you. I'm going to make you scream for me in all the right ways."

"I'm going to pound you so hard into the mattress that you are going to whimper and beg me to stop even as you plead for me to _never_ stop."

Oh man, if only Naruto would let him do all those things tonight. He had nothing against bottoming, nothing at all. But it would be nice to be the one driving his lover to the brink.

The sound of a light panting across the line made him even harder. "God, I want to fuck you so badly. I want to make you scream my name when you cum."

Even in the midst of the lust burning in his veins, a soft smile tugged at his lips.

"And then we'll fall asleep together. Wake up together. And neither one of us will ever be alone again."

There was a pause in the breathing as if someone had just swallowed hard.

"Sa... Sasuke-kun?" the breathless, feminine voice quavered.

Sasuke jerked the phone away from his ear and stared at it in dawning horror and not a little fear.

_'Oh shit, she'll stalk me until the end of time now.'_

'If Naruto doesn't kill me first.'

**OWARI**


End file.
